I've been offered a really great opportunity which would be a great career move...if the thought of doing it didn't make me feel sick.
So now I am in the position of having to turn it down, without being able to give a proper reason, as I don't want to resign yet.
So tomorrow is a big day. Interestingly, literally everyone I have spoken to has just said 'go for it, just leave'. Everyone is feeling very cavalier!
This was matched by a phone in on Radio 5 today. It's funny how you only hear about the people who left their jobs and 'it was the best thing they ever did'. What about the ones who failed? Who yearn for the old security, the bad jokes, the biscuits in the tin. A place to go.
So I am feeling a bit suspicious, and a bit scared. I'm at the edge of a precipice. After tomorrow, I have less power to go back. As a champion hedger of bets, that feels wrong.